Faketos – low carb fake Dorito clones :)

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Damn, it’s cold this morning! I don’t remember having the heat going because it’s just above freezing outside and under 60F inside in September before, maybe it’s just my old age and memory playing tricks on me? Ugh. Not looking forward to the next 7+ months :(. Why do I seem to be bitching about the weather so much lately? I wonder if it is my lack of BODY FAT? No ‘natural’ insulation this year! I’m kinda excited about that…right up until the goosebumps hit and my toes go purple :(. I even have the wool socks on today! You would think living in northern New England my entire life I’d be adapted to this shit but NFW!

Nope Key

I can already feel that soon, the white stuff will be on the ground. Think I’m being overly paranoid? NOPE. This right here was 2 weeks before Halloween last year. Yes, the second week of October. SNOW. The Hobbit was not pleased.

Fing white stuff

The one heater in this little house will be soon overtaxed, portable heaters running in every room, and a thin skin of ice on the toilet in the morning. Yes. You read that right. ICE IN THE TOILET! That’s one way to make sure you’re completely awake when rolling out of bed! The house we live in was built in the early 1800’s and from what I can tell, not much has changed in the two centuries since some hardy farmer nailed it together. No basement to speak of. Windows look to be original (OUCH). Insulation? Probably old newspapers shoved in the walls – it’s a rental so I really can’t do much in resolving that :(. Unfortunately, we will probably get an Indian Summer in a few weeks so it’s still too early to wrap the windows, drop the storms, etc.

So, what is a hobbit to do when the weather is chilly out?

Find new things to create!
Make some fun stuff for the belly 🙂

One advantage to living in an almost-tiny-house is easy access to all areas quickly, LIKE THE KITCHEN! Our kitchen is small (so is the rest of the place) but that also means running the oven puts some heat in the house as well as when I get something right, the smells are FANTASTIC!

Where the Hobbit works his mess-ups and magic. Yes, that’s all the space I have to work with. Now do you see why I like SIMPLE (ignore the bananas, this is an older pic, lol.)?

Hobbit's kitchen

Speaking of simple, what about a simple recipe to satisfy that need for CRUNCH? I do miss Doritos, that spicy, happy feeling in the mouth, the crunch between the teeth, and orange streaks on my sweatpants. Oops. Did I say that? I mean the orange streaks on a fresh napkin, I would never wipe my hands on my pants. Nooooooooo.


This recipe is quite simple, but you might need to get some items you normally don’t stock in your kitchen (but once you try these, you will!). Psyllium husks are almost pure fiber, great for the digestive system when taken in moderation and have been proven to help with insulin resistance if consumed right before a meal. See this study if you want the scientific findings. You can find psyllium husks and\or powder in the health and beauty section in the drug store or box stores, as well as online from vendors like Amazon. It’s usually found in the same place in the store as Metamucil. Pork rinds are awesome all on their own, just make sure you shop smart and look for ones that have minimal additives, the ones we get have just fried pork skin and salt. Want to get cracking on some Faketos? Let’s rock!


  • 6 tbsp of finely ground pork rind
  • 4 tbsp of parmesan cheese
  • 1 tbsp of ground pysillium husk
  • 1 tbsp water
  • 1 egg
  • 1 tbsp of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp chili powder
  • 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
  • a pinch of cumin

Put all the dry ingredients in a bowl, whisk quick to mix well and break up any clumps. In a separate bowl, whisk the eggs and water until combined, not frothy, just kinda uniform (as uniform as eggs can get). Pour the egg mixture into the dry and stir well until all incorporated. LET SIT FOR 5 MINUTES. This is vital. The psyllium needs a few minutes to absorb the liquid and ‘gel.’ You will be able to see the difference, trust me. Plop the mound onto a piece of parchment or silicon mat. Lay plastic wrap over the top to match the size of the paper\mat (should be about baking sheet size). Press down to spread out the glop, then use a rolling pin to roll it out into a thin layer, about chip thickness. Peel the plastic wrap off, slide onto a baking sheet and put in the oven. Give it 2-3 minutes, then remove and with at pizza cutter, score it into the shapes you want. I don’t do traditional ‘Dorito’ shapes as it’s too much work, but feel free to channel your inner geometry teacher and make triangles if you wish :). Put back in the oven for another 3-4 minutes or until the edges start to brown. Remove, plop them on paper towels or a clean cloth if wasting processed trees isn’t your think and let cool. DONE!!Faketos

Nutritional information (1/4 batch): Calories: 89, Fat: 2, Protein: 7, Carbs: 2, Fiber: 1, Net carbs: 1

Hey, if you read this and like it, feel free to give me some feedback in the comments. I’d love to hear from everyone on what they think of my ‘creations.’ If you have questions, ask! If you hate them, tell me :). If you do your own tweaks, let me know, I love to learn new things!!

~The Hobbit

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  1. They look absolutely delicious!

    1. Not too bad, not quite the real thing but soooo close that I don’t mind at all. A little sriracha dip and a good night on Netflix, I’m a happy hobbit:)

      Thanks for the comment!

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